


The Dark Side of Ambition

by jackieshope



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28212813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackieshope/pseuds/jackieshope
Summary: These are my one-shots that I will write for the Legacies Fandom. It will include mostly Hosie, but might include Hizzie in the future.
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman
Comments: 13
Kudos: 101





	1. Hospital Fluff - Hosie

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So, this is my one-shot for the HosieWritings on Twitter. I chose the hospital taking care one. 
> 
> In this one, Hope is also already dating Josie.
> 
> Also, this is very short, but it was the best I could do as I was late. But, I think it's cute and I like how it ended up, so enjoy! :)

When Hope first found out Josie was in the hospital, it’s safe to say she almost had a heart attack. If that was even possible for a tribrid.

Hope couldn’t have bombarded Alaric Saltzman, Josie’s father and their school headmaster, with questions faster. “What do you mean Jo’s in the hospital. Who do I have to fight?”

Dr. Saltzman’s eyes went wide at Hope’s proposal, and he considered not telling Hope who hurt Josie in fear she’d retaliate. Problem was, Hope would probably find out anyways and not only hurt Alyssa but hurt him too for keeping secrets from her.

“Just calm down, Hope. she’s really fine.” Dr. Saltzman tried to reason with her.

“Fine?” Hope yelled dramatically. “She’s not fine. She’s in the hospital, Dr. Saltzman. I drop off my girlfriend at the field day at Mystic Falls High and return to find her at the hospital. Now again, what happened and who do I have to fight?”

Alaric Saltzman sighed before answering. “Alyssa was bothering Josie afterwards and Josie slapped her. The two got into a physical fight and found out Josie wasn’t full of magic. She took the opportunity and blasted her with magic. Josie was slammed against the wall and broke her arm.”

“Alyssa broke her arm?!” Hope exclaimed, putting her hands up to her face. “Oh, my baby. Without magic, she must’ve been in so much pain.”

“Where is she?” She asked him.

“Mystic Falls Hospital. Tell them I sent you. They’ll let you in.” He told her.

Hope rushed out of the room and to her dorm. Quickly grabbing a bag, she filled it with a change of clothes and some things to take to Josie. Hope also made a mental note to confront Alyssa later, once Josie was asleep and wouldn’t be able to stop her.

Once she arrived at the hospital, Hope went up to the lobby desk and asked for Josette Saltzman’s room number. “Dr. Saltzman from the Salvatore Boarding School sent me. I’m her girlfriend.”

“Oh, right, he said you’d be coming. She’s room 214.” The lady responded.

Hope couldn’t have gotten to Josie’s room faster. She opened the door, careful to not accidentally wake her up as it was almost midnight. Inside, she saw her beautiful girlfriend.

Josie was sitting up, a cast on one arm, and laying in the bed. She was watching a show on TV. Specifically, New Girl. It was her comfort show. A bowl of chocolate ice cream was in her hands.

When Josie noticed the girl behind the curtain, her face broke out into a huge smile, making the girl look even more pretty. “Hope! Hi.” She exclaimed.

Hope practically ran over to the love of her life. The two girls wrapped their arms around each other, embracing. Hope was careful to not hurt Josie.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Hope asked her.

Josie put up her arm, as if to say ‘as well as I can be’. Hope grimaced at Josie’s pain when she did that. It was obvious Josie had declined medication, with the pills on the bedside table as evidence.

“I will kill her.” Hope seethed. She was so angry, her body was buzzing. Hope couldn’t believe that Alyssa had even tried it, let alone hurt her baby.

Josie quickly started shaking her head, swallowing the glob of ice cream she had just put in her mouth. “No, Hope, please. It was my fault as much as hers.”

“You slapped her because she was bothering you. I would’ve done way worse.” Hope pointed out.

“Yes, but she was only coming at me like that because Lizzie made a remark to her about dying. It was stupid, I know, and she shouldn’t have reacted like that, but please don’t take it out on her.”

Josie’s face was soon covered with a mischievous grin. “Take it out on me instead.”

Hope laughed at Josie’s flirting. “Yeah, babe, I don’t think that’s going to be happening anytime soon.” She pointed at Josie’s cast.

Josie looked down at her arm and pouted, giving Hope an intense urge to kiss her, one that she listened to.

Their lips met in a soft peck before Josie leaned into the kiss and it deepened. Hope found her way onto the hospital bed, wrapping her hand around Josie’s neck and tangling her hands into her shoulder-length hair.

When they pulled apart, Josie sighed. “Thank you for caring so much. It means a lot to me.”

Hope pressed her forehead against Josie’s. “It’s what you deserve. Either way, how could I not care? You’re you, and that’s enough for me to go crazy over you.”

Josie giggled. “You’re such a romantic.” She slapped her arm gently, playing.

“Only for you, Josie.” Hope pressed a quick kiss to Josie’s lips again before leaning over and grabbing her blanket. She wrapped it around her body and pressed herself into Josie’s side after making sure she was comfortable.

Eventually, sleep overtook the two girls, despite the amount of sugar in Josie’s system from the ice cream.


	2. Is It Unrequited Love? - Hosie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josie genuinely believes that Hope doesn't have feelings for her.  
> It's up to Hope to prove her wrong.

Hope was tense. Her shoulders were practically up to her ears. She hated parties with a passion. But, she wanted to see Josie. Her friend had been avoiding her since a few days ago and Hope knew she’d be at the party at the mill that night.

So despite her anxiety, she went to find her.

As Hope moved between sweaty and dancing people, she saw the table of drinks and snacks. Standing nearby was Lizzie, talking to MG. “Hey, Lizzie, have you seen Josie?”

When Lizzie saw Hope, she made a face. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Hope was confused. “I live here?”

Lizzie shook her head at Hope not getting her point. “No, I mean, what are you doing here at the mill? I thought you hated parties?”

“I’m here to look for Josie. I need to talk to her.” At her sister’s name, Lizzie’s face changed with a knowing look. Lizzie was Josie’s best friend, her confidant, and knew exactly what Hope wanted to talk to Josie about.

Josie had been avoiding Hope since she started getting nightmares about Hope. Lizzie was aware of these dreams, always there to calm her down when she woke up in the morning, but she also knew why Josie was having these dreams, despite Josie not telling her herself.

Josie was in love with Hope. It was obvious. Her crush had come back full force after Hope saved her in her subconscious and it morphed into something more. Something deeper.

However, Lizzie would say nothing. It was Josie’s secret to tell. Besides, it would probably only freak Hope out more than anything else. It wasn’t that Hope didn’t like the idea of being with Josie, Lizzie knew she had a crush on her, too. But Hope had been through a lot recently with Landon and Rafael sacrificing themselves, something that reminded her too much about her father and her uncle Elijah.

Hope thought she wasn’t ready for a relationship, but really, it was that she was afraid to get into another one just to lose them again. And knowing Josie, the idea of her sacrificing herself to save others was very possible.

“She’s over there by the stereo, hanging out with Jade.”

At Jade’s name, Hope felt a pang of jealousy, deep in her heart. She turned around, looking for the familiar brunette until she found her by the stereo where Lizzie had said. And just like Lizzie also said, Josie was talking to Jade.

Well, it was more of dancing. Jade’s hands were on Josie’s hips and the two were having fun. It made Hope sad, seeing the display. All she could feel was a longing to be Jade, a desire to be normal with Josie.

But instead, here she was, grieving not only her ex-boyfriend and close friend, but her relationship with one of her best friends and longtime crush.

Taking a deep breath, Hope walked up to the pair, catching Josie’s attention. At seeing Hope, Josie got nervous. Her breathing quickened and her palms were clammy.

She had been avoiding Hope and this very scenario, the moment when Hope would confront Josie.

“Hi, Josie.” Hope tentatively said, testing the waters with her.

“Hey.” Josie gave Hope a small wave.

Sensing the tension between the two girls, Jade got the idea and stepped back. “I’ll let you two talk. I’m going to go get a drink.”

Once Jade was gone, the air got a bit more tighter. “What do you want, Hope?”

Hope was hurt by Josie’s choice of words, but she tried her best to move past it. “I need to talk to you.”

Josie wanted nothing more than to tell Hope to walk away now while she still could, to tell her to go away and that she didn’t want to talk to her.

But, Josie saw the look on Hope’s face. Her eyes resembled a puppy face and she was slightly pouting, pleading silently for Josie to give her a chance. Josie couldn’t deny her, not after what happened.

Josie sighed heavily before grabbing Hope’s hand and pulling her into a hallway and then a bathroom. Josie’s dad, Dr. Saltzman, threw himself into renovating the school after his “failure to keep his students safe and alive.” Therefore, the mill now resembled something of a small house. It was the perfect place for parties.

It wasn’t like her father would do anything about them partying, or even drinking. He would be a hypocrite if he did as he was barely home and when he was, he was drunk. Josie avoided moments with her dad. It made her sad to see him so broken. And Josie was broken enough to last her a lifetime. She didn’t need any more pain, even secondary.

“What do you need to talk to me about, Hope?” Josie shut the door, locking it. The movement sent a chill down Hope’s spine at the realization that she was alone with Josie in a shut place.

Hope went to ask her straight out why she was avoiding her. But the words wouldn’t come out. She was too scared to further push away Josie.

So, instead, she asked Josie how much she had been drinking, acting like the guide Josie didn’t have anymore.

“Not too much.” Hope didn’t buy it. Josie had been slurring earlier, and while she had definitely sobered up a bit, she was still very drunk. Josie could hold her alcohol, yes, but it attacked her motor skills first, making her stumble quite often.

“You don’t believe me. You know, if you’re going to lecture me about my ways of dealing, I’m going to go. Besides, it’s not like you can talk.”

Hope’s initial instinct was to be offended and fight back. But, the rational part of her knew Josie was trying to hurt her on purpose, to push her away far enough for whatever reason she had. She knew Josie was going through something and needed help, but tended to turn away from people when she needed them the most.

So, Hope remained calm. “I’m not going to lecture you.” She said before Josie was able to exit the small bathroom. “I’m not here to argue.”

“Then what are you here for?”

“I’m here to ask you why you’ve been avoiding me. I thought we were doing fine. But lately, you don’t even talk to me, can’t even look me in the eye.”

Josie looked away as Hope talked, feeling guilty. She knew that her actions would hurt Hope, but her fear of Hope dropping her once she found out the truth was stronger than her need to please Hope.

“Look, if you need a break from me, if you don’t want to be friends anymore, then fine. It’s okay. You have a choice. All I want to know is why.” Hope finished off, a weight lifting off her shoulders.

A tear slipped down Josie’s cheek, one that Hope noticed, immediately worrying her. “Jo, why are you crying?”

Josie didn’t answer. All she did was slump down onto the toilet seat and cry silently. When she spoke, all she did was whisper apologies.

Once Josie calmed down at one of Hope’s soothing spells, she was able to talk again. “I turned you away because I needed you. I’m sorry that I hurt you but I don’t regret it. I’d rather lose you on my own terms than have you leave me like everyone else has.”

Hope shook her head, shocked that Josie thought she would leave her. “Jo, I would never leave you. I care so much about you and I know what you’ve been through. I would never hurt you like that.”

Josie shut her eyes closed, shaking her head, unable to believe Hope’s words. In her mind, once Hope found out Josie’s true feelings, she would be weirded out and turn her away. She was convinced that Hope was just like everyone else, despite all the evidence of the contrary.

Hope let out a breath, taking a different approach. “Josie, I want you to be honest with me. Why do you think I’ll leave you?”

Josie looked up at Hope’s standing form, mascara smeared under her eyes. “Because you’re my best friend, and that’s all you’ll ever be. And despite this, despite your insistence of that, I still love you.”

Hope stepped back. She blinked a few times before processing what Josie just said to her. She loved her. A gasp came from Hope’s mouth involuntarily, but Hope immediately regretted it when Josie wiped her tears away and stood up, ready to leave, embarrassed.

Hope put a hand on Josie’s arm, stopping her. “Josie, tell me that when you’re sober. For now, let’s go back to your room. You need sleep. And you need rest. Just go with me, please.”

Once again, despite her head telling her to walk away now before her worst fears turned into a reality, Josie couldn’t deny her. She let Hope take her hand and walk her back to her shared room with Lizzie.

Still tipsy, Josie laid down onto her mattress, unable to do anything else. Hope took out pajamas for Josie and grabbed a few makeup wipes.

As Josie blankly watched, believing this was all a fever dream or the alcohol and Hope wasn’t really taking care of Josie like this, Hope took off Josie’s dress and put on a tank top and pajama pants. She then wiped underneath Josie’s eyes, cleaning off the mascara, and handed Josie a bottle of water she had on the bedside table.

Josie drank the water while Hope walked away towards the door. Panic rose in her throat that this was the moment. This was when Hope would leave her.

“Wait!” Josie put up a hand to stop her, scared.

At Josie’s tone, Hope spun around. She quickly realized what Josie was worried about. “Jo, it’s okay. I’ll be right back. I’m just going to go change and get my phone charger, okay? I promise, I’m not going anywhere.”

It was a risk, Josie knew. Hope could walk out the door and never come back. But, for once, Josie chose to believe in someone. To believe in Hope, if not anyone else.

\---

After Hope left, Josie tucked herself into bed and fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. She didn’t hear Hope slip back inside and didn’t feel Hope lay down beside her. She didn’t see Hope staring down at her with a small smile, reveling in the fact that Josie loved her.

In the morning, Josie woke up to an empty bed. Her heart sank, expecting the worst, expecting to find no evidence of Hope coming back.

But, then, the door opened and in came Hope with a tray of food. Croissants were lined up on a plate and two cups of orange juice were barely kept upright. There were a few pills that Josie assumed were ibuprofen for her headache.

Josie smiled at Hope’s insistence on taking care of her. As much as she would never assume that Hope felt the same way, Josie felt cared for. She felt loved.

“Hey, Jo. How do you feel?” Hope asked, balancing the tray on one hand while she passed Josie a glass of orange juice and the plate of croissants. It was breakfast in bed, Hope knew her well and how much she loved it.

“Not that good, but thank you. I’m hungry and thirsty.” Josie admitted, grateful for having such a wonderful person in her life, even with all their problems.

“Of course, Jo. Here's a bit of ibuprofen for your headache and some tablets if you feel nauseous.

Josie marveled at all the stops Hope pulled, amazed that someone would take care of her so much. But, then again, Hope had always been there for them, even now.

As Josie ate, she felt Hope’s stare on her. Thinking she was a mess, Josie blushed, but felt a bit less embarrassed when Hope smiled at her.

“What?” Josie giggled, wondering why Hope was staring at her.

Hope dropped her smile a bit, scared to ask her. But, she knew she had to. Otherwise, they would never return to what they once had, or move on to something better. “Did you mean what you said last night?”

Josie knew what Hope was talking about. She dropped her head down and took a breath, preparing herself. “I do. I mean, I love you.”

Hope parted her lips, once again entranced by the way Josie said those words to her. “You love me?”

Josie put down the croissant, serious. “Yes. What’s there not to love about you? You’ve been there for me even when I didn’t want you there. You fought for me. You didn’t give up on me. Of course I love you.”

Josie could see the hesitation on Hope’s face, the gears turning in her mind. She could see the dilemma she was having.

“But, please, don’t feel pressured to feel the same way. I know you’ve been through a lot recently, with what happened to Rafael and Landon just a few months ago. I know that you’re not ready for that maybe. And I don’t want you to feel that I’m expecting something from you in return. I don’t need you to feel the same way. I don’t need anything. Being lucky enough to know you and love you is enough for me.”

Hope was once again astonished by the heart Josie had. She was basically telling her that she didn’t Hope to love her back because the feelings she had for her were enough.

A tear slid down Hope’s cheek before she smiled softly. “Well, too bad.” Hope gently grabbed Josie’s hand in hers, interlinking their fingers. “Because I need you.”

Josie’s lips parted, realizing what Hope was saying. She smiled back at her, glad that her feelings were mutual but also thankful that out of everyone that could’ve liked her, cared for her, it was Hope.

“And you’re right. I’m not ready to say something like that again. It’s been a tough year, and I’m still grieving. But, I do care about you. A lot. More than you know. And I want to be with you, despite all my problems and issues. I just need you to wait for me.”

“I’ll wait as long as you need me to, Hope.”

Hope smiled at her again, emotional that this day had turned out to be so wonderful.

Josie noticed then Hope’s dark eyes and the bags. “Have you been sleeping?”

Hope let out a sigh. “No. Not really. I have a lot of nightmares and bad dreams.”

Josie felt for the girl. She knew what rough nights could do to a person, and she couldn’t imagine what Hope was going through. “I’m here for you, you know. Even at night. All you need to do is wake me up. I won’t be bothered. And I don’t think Lizzie will mind either. We care a lot about you.”

“Thank you, Jo. Really. I appreciate it more than you know.”

“I will bring back everyone’s happiness. Not by myself and I won’t burn out, but I’ll do it. My job isn’t done until everyone’s happy, including myself… including you.”

“You make me happy.” Hope whispered.

A giddy smile appeared on Josie’s face, with a brightness that made Hope feel that everything would be okay as long as her love was by her side.

As the tension got thicker and their eyes continued meeting, Hope slowly leaned in. It was a gentle kiss, a tense one. 

But once Hope’s lips met Josie’s, and Hope got used to the feeling of her, the kiss got more passionate, filled with all the love the two girls had for each other. Filled with all of their feelings spanning from when they were 13 and 14, and everything that had happened since.

It was a kiss of pain and hurt, of tenderness and warmth. One of healing.

Had Hope known that this was exactly what she needed, Hope would’ve kissed her a long time ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this one-shot for #HosieWritings on Twitter.
> 
> Twitter: jackiesgalore  
> Instagram: hvsiegrxnde & writingwithjackie (main)


	3. this pain, it'll never pass - hosie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope has died. Now, Josie has to deal with the emptiness that's been left in her heart.
> 
> It's Hope's birthday, and Josie visits her grave for the first time since her funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really sad. You can tell I'm suffering lmao.
> 
> Anyway, follow me on my social media. I'd love to see you there.  
> Twitter: jackiesgalore  
> Instagram: writingwithjackie

The cold winter air was sharp against my skin, despite the burgundy coat around my shoulders. 

It was Hope’s birthday. Lizzie refused to visit her grave. She said it was too sad for her, too triggering. And I understood.

But I still wanted to go. I hadn’t been since her funeral a few months ago. It was still hard to accept she was truly gone.

Sometimes, I would wait for Hope like I used to by her dorm room. She would always come out, in the middle of slipping on whatever cardigan she was wearing that day, and walk with me to our classes, holding my hand.

It wouldn’t hit me until I would wonder why she wasn’t coming out, why she was late. Every time, it was a shock to my system, to my heart.

Dad kept her room shut. He didn’t move in another student. My dad took it especially hard, behind me, and went back to drinking for a while. It took Lizzie spiraling to realize he needed to move on and mourn, realize that he still had two daughters.

Trudging through the snow, my boots clicked against the wooden dock. We buried her near the lake, a special grave and stone. Around her plot, we planted her favorite flowers: Lily-of-the-Valley.

They were her birth month flower and she always had a fascination with them, loving the way they hung upside down.

I remember the day we found out she was dead. It was spring break. I was at my mom’s house in Mystic Falls with Lizzie and MG playing a video game.

Dad came in with a face I can’t describe. It was one of disbelief and agony. When Lizzie asked him what was wrong, he broke.

It took Mom 10 minutes to calm him down enough that he could explain to us what was wrong. When he gave us the news, Lizzie fell back down onto the chair. All I could do was stare.

Somehow, I knew it was true. Since the morning that day, I woke up with a feeling of dread, like something was wrong, something was missing. I realized then that the connection I had with Hope notified me of her death beforehand.

I went upstairs and curled up into my sheets. There were no tears, no sobs. Nothing came out. I just laid there, empty inside.

I didn’t cry until her funeral, when I saw her perfect face in the coffin, eyes closed. She was so beautiful, even in death. I still wish I had told her that before she left for New Orleans that day.

It was a newbie hybrid. He had gotten into a physical fight with Hope at the bayou and they attacked her, held her down and injected her with wolfsbane. The attacker tortured her for a few hours before ripping her heart out.

The person that fixed her body said the kill was brutal and he struggled with stitching her chest back together.

When I found out, I was so angry. Lizzie tried to help me deal with it, but I only pushed her farther away. I let in this dark rage that took me over until I lashed out, almost throwing my Dad out the window of my dorm room.

Since then, I’ve focused on my schoolwork, trying to make her spirit proud. She always wanted me to follow my dreams of becoming a doctor, like my biological mother, Jo. I was insistent on doing this for not only myself and my mother, but for her.

I joined a few clubs, but usually quit them after a few meetings, unable to enjoy anything, really.  
Lizzie had also convinced me to start dating again, but every time I even attempted to flirt, all I could think of was the subtle teasing between me and Hope in class, the notes we would pass, and her sweet giggle she would only ever give me.

An entire world of people could never replace the one I’ve lost.

Finally, I reached her grave. The flowers were gone. We were due to replant them in the Spring, Dad and I.

Her headstone read: Hope Andrea Mikaelson, a beautiful daughter, a loving friend, a savior.

It was perfect for her because I truly believe she saved me. So many times I lost count, but she did.

“Hi, Hope.” I whispered, my breath making the air turn white. “I know it’s been a while, but it’s your birthday today. I know that you never liked celebrating your birthday, but I wanted to visit you today. I only thought it was appropriate.”

The silence after my words was long and painful, only reminding me that she would never respond again.

A tear slipped down my cheek the longer I stared at her grave. The aching in my chest was there again. All I wanted was to see her, hug her, touch her, kiss her.

All I wanted was to get the chance to tell her I loved her.

“I still dream of you. Last night, I dreamt that, for the last time, you held my hand, and all the bad things sort of just fell away. For a moment, it was perfect. You… were perfect.” My voice was shaky. “And then I woke up. And I reached for you, expecting you to be there. But you weren’t. You never are.”

“That feeling hasn’t ended. I don’t think it’ll ever end.”

A sob caught in my throat. “Fuck, Hope, I miss you. So much. Today is just another day of trying to get by without you. I don’t know how to exist in a world without you.”

“I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I would never be ready for that. I could escape when I was with you. You made me so happy. I had given up, but you came into my life and I brought myself back. I was born the day you held my hand, but I died along with you the day you left me. You’ve left a void in me that can’t be filled.”

“I still need you. The pain hasn’t passed, this pain, it’ll never pass. You taught me how to live with you. Now, tell me how to live without you. God, I just want to love you. I wish I could love you.” My voice was hoarse and I was on the verge of screaming my lungs out.

“I regret not telling you that. I didn’t understand the warmth of you until I couldn’t have it. I’m falling apart now that you’re gone. And all I want is you. I want you.”

I took a deep breath, steadying my heartbeat. Every time I spoke, I expected her to say something. But every time she didn’t, my heart skipped a beat, a shallow aching.

The bell rang in the distance and I knew I had to head to class soon. Breakfast was over. I only had a few minutes left.

“You should know. I love you. I think I’ll always love you. My heart belongs to you, no matter who I end up with in the future.”

Taking my last breath, I asked a question that tore me apart. “Do you think of me? Wherever you are? Did you think of me when you were alive? Loved me the way I love you?”

There was no answer. And that made it hard to breathe.


	4. pain but i swear there's a happy ending - hosie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this'll be rough, but just hold on for the end game, everyone. I promise it's worth it.
> 
> TW // Mention of prior self harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all pain, no fluff. jk jk, i'm not teddy....
> 
> follow me on social media  
> twitter: jackiesgalore  
> instagram: writingwithjackie

TW // mention of past self harm and scars

It was midnight.

The music blared in Josie’s ears as she stood beside the speaker, straining to hear her sister’s voice. She was surprised that her father hadn’t broken up the party yet by how loud the students were being.

Dark, crisp booze swished around her red plastic cup. Lizzie was holding a matching one. Josie knew her father was going to be pissed, but ever since he started drinking again and stopped leaving his office, she couldn’t find it inside herself to care what he thought anymore.

“-Jessie said that she was hoping we’d go on the field trip. I told her I’d talk to you. What do you think?” Even as Lizzie practically yelled, Josie could barely hear what she was saying.

Nonetheless, she got enough to understand. “I’ll see if I’m going to go, but you have all the permission if that’s what you’re looking for.”

Josie was a bit too sharp with her answer. The slur in her voice told her she was drunk. Lately, she would get angry whenever she drank anything more than a beer. 

Josie thought it had something to do with what happened the past semester, specifically, the dark side of her that came out to play. She refused therapy after that, but now, she desperately craved it. Despite this, Josie would never get past her pride to ask for help. It was too painful, and made her feel too weak.

And Josie wanted anything else than being weak.

“Hey!” Josie flinched at the yell. She turned towards the woods and freezed. In between the trees stood a dark figure with a flashlight. The bright light blinded her so she couldn’t see who was holding it. All she could think of was her uncle Kai and that day in the prison world. All she thought was that he was back to kill her.

As the person got closer, Josie was able to make out a face. Her Dad.

As quick as she could without being obvious, Josie took the cup out of Lizzie’s hand and dumped it on the ground along with hers. Fixing her hair, she made it seem like she was bored and definitely not extremely drunk.

Dr. Saltzman reached the mill and turned on the light he had installed for the kids that came to study. The music turned off and students started murmuring, caught.

“What is all of this? What have I said about alcohol at parties?” He said, his voice curt with anger.

Josie could practically smell the whiskey on his clothes, on his breath. Hypocrite, she thought.

As her father started telling the students to go back to the school, Josie looked around for Hope. She knew the girl would likely be drunk as well. Ever since Landon left for good, Hope had changed. She was bolder, more teen-like. Less heroic and more careless.

It wasn’t a good change.

Her grades were steadily dropping from straight As and she was rarely in class. Dr. Saltzman tried to talk to her about it, but he dropped it when Hope lashed out and threw him through the door before walking out over him.

Looking up, Josie saw Hope leaning on the stairs. From her body language, she knew Hope was flirting with whoever she was talking to. A pang of jealousy shot through her body. Josie shook her head and tried to focus on getting her sister and friend to bed safely.

After dropping off Lizzie to her dad who knew Hope would be trouble, she began walking up the stairs. Halfway up, Josie swayed and started falling. She heard someone running before a hand latched around her wrist, yanking her upright.

Once Josie’s head stopped spinning, she met the eyes of her savior and saw bright blue. Hope.

This close to her, Josie’s breath caught. Even drunk, Hope was beautiful. Her auburn hair fell around her pale face in light curls, a waviness that only Hope could pull off in her eyes. Hope’s red lips moved as Josie came back down to Earth.

“You okay? Jo?” Josie heard Hope ask her.

“Um, yeah, I’m fine. Just had a bit too much to drink, I guess. We should get back to our rooms.”

Hope nodded at her. She turned around to her friend, a girl Josie recognized from their physical education class.

Again, Josie could tell Hope was flirting. The giggles that came out of her mouth were so soft that Josie saddened at the noise, thinking about what the girl had that Josie didn’t in order for Hope to like her.

Bigger boobs. Wider hips. Maybe it was just the face in general. Was she that ugly?

Once Hope was done, she turned back towards Josie and grabbed onto her hand, holding her as they walked down the stairs. As a tribrid, Hope could hold her alcohol a lot better than Josie could. She was aware of this fact so, despite Josie’s insistence that she was the one taking care of them, Hope was always careful to check on the twins whenever they drank.

The two girls walked through the hallways, heading towards Hope’s room. Josie wanted to drop off Hope at her room so she didn’t walk off with someone else. Maybe it was her jealous streak, but she hated seeing Hope flirt or be with other people, girls or boys.

“Here we are.” Hope said, putting in her key and turning the door knob.

“Here we are.” Josie mimicked, twisting her hands. She was nervous, despite having done this routine a million times before.

She just didn’t want to leave. Her favorite memories were either with Lizzie or Hope. She felt safe with them. And now that Lizzie was probably messily knocked out on her bed, Josie was dreading heading to her room only to be alone.

Noticing that Josie was glancing around the hallway like she was expecting someone to arrive, Hope asked Josie to come inside. She quickly nodded and followed Hope inside her room like a lost puppy.

“Do you want some water? You should drink something.” Hope turned on the lights, almost blinding Josie, before going inside her bathroom.

“Sure, please.” Hope returned with two bottles of water. After finishing, she walked inside her closet and returned with two pairs of pajamas.

“I’m assuming from your face that you’re staying here for the night?” Hope’s lips were tilted up, almost making Josie feel that Hope was excited to sleep with Josie. Key word: almost. Josie knew better than that.

Josie shyly nodded, thankful she didn’t need to say anything to make her wants known. Hope threw her a pink shirt and matching shorts before walking inside her bathroom.

Quickly undressing herself, she started pulling on the shirt. However, it wasn’t quick enough because the next thing she knows, the bathroom door is being pulled open and Hope is walking back inside the room.

“Jesus.” Hope whispered.

Josie yanked the top down, embarrassed that Hope caught her half naked. But that wasn’t what Hope was focused on.

Her eyes were drawn to the top of Josie’s thighs, right under the band of her underwear. Josie knew what was there and she rushed to pull on the shorts.

“Jo. Jo. Jo.” Almost done with dressing, Josie looked up at Hope’s calls but immediately regretted it. Not because she saw disgust or shame in Hope’s eyes, but because she saw the opposite.

Kindness. Compassion. Care. Understanding.

And it made Josie feel like shit. She couldn’t understand why anyone would ever be nice to her, why someone would understand why Josie hurt herself and then be loving towards her.

And yet here Hope was, pulling Josie down onto her bed so they sat side by side.

“Josie? How long ago was the last time? You don’t need to tell me anything else. I just want to be sure you’re being safe.” Hope’s voice was gentle and Josie wanted to cry.

Sucking a shaky breath in, Josie answered her questions. “A few months ago.” At the question in Hope’s blue eyes, she continued. “It got really bad after I went dark. Deep. But, I’m almost 6 months clean.”

Josie let out a wry laugh, trying to lessen the tension in the room. Hope stared at her and it wasn’t until Josie met her gaze that she noticed she was crying.

A tear slipped down Hope’s cheek and she wiped it away quickly. Taking Josie’s hand in hers, her voice was low and quiet as she spoke. “I am so fucking proud of you. Six months is a long time. I wish you had told me earlier, I would’ve tried my best to help, but I understand why you didn’t and I don’t blame you. You’re my best friend, Josie, and I’m always going to be here for you.”

Josie knew Hope had good intentions, trying to be supportive. But Hope’s words only served to slice through Josie’s heart. ‘Best friend’, she wondered. Is that what she thought of them? Was she that oblivious or was she ignoring Josie’s feelings on purpose? Did she not want her?

Ignoring all of her spiraling thoughts, Josie leaned in and hugged Hope, grateful nonetheless for her. Hope’s words seemed to solidify her strength in lasting this far, made her want to go even further so she could hear those words of affirmation again and maybe feel the pride Hope felt for her.

Hope’s arms were warm around her waist, squeezing slightly. Josie pulled back, but it wasn’t far enough.

Almost immediately, Hope’s eyes dropped down to Josie’s mouth. They lingered there for a while before flitting back up to her eyes. 

Josie could see that Hope’s pupils were wide and dark. Hope’s tongue flicked out to lick her lips before she bit it gently.

Josie couldn’t help herself. How could she?

Wrapping her hands around Hope’s head, Josie brought her lips to Hope’s. At first, Hope was still. Shocked.

Then, she moved. However, it wasn’t away. It was closer. Until there was almost no space between them.

Their lips moved against each other and Josie felt that she couldn’t breath. Her heart was bursting out of her chest, it was beating so hard. She could hear her blood rushing in her ears and when Hope finally touched Josie’s face, she flinched, all of her senses on overload.

They moved backwards until Hope was straddling her, a full make-out session now. A little voice in Josie’s head told her to enjoy it while it lasted, that it would never happen again. But, for the first time, she pushed that thought aside and focused on the girl on top of her.

Josie didn’t know how long they kissed for. All she knew is that when they stopped, Josie was content for the first time in a while. Borderline happy.

\---

When Josie woke up, she reached over to the other side of the bed, only to find nothing there.

Josie shot up, panicked, and looked around. The room was empty. As Josie woke up completely, she noticed more and more sad details.

Hope’s uniform was gone, along with her backpack. So were her shoes and all of the lights were off, though the windows were pulled open, sunlight streaming into the room.

The only thing that sent Josie’s heart to beat again was the McDonald’s hotcakes sitting on Hope’s desk along with one of Josie’s uniforms laid across the chair in front of it.

Josie realized with a heavy soul that Hope was gone. She woke up before Josie and hadn’t bothered to stay until Josie woke up.

Sighing, Josie stood up and stretched her limbs. Her hand wandered to her lips, still feeling the ghost of Hope’s on hers. A small smile found its way onto her face and Josie allowed herself to wonder if Hope was feeling the same way.

A bit more peppy, Josie took a shower in Hope’s bathroom with the towel Hope laid out with the note on top of it. Then, she ate the pancakes, taking her time because her father knew almost all of the students had been drunk the night prior.

While chewing, Josie let her mind wander to the night before. Josie had taken a huge risk, kissing Hope. She usually didn’t do things like that. And yet, this time, it went her way, for once.

When she finished eating and brushed her teeth, Josie quickly got dressed in her uniform before heading out to their weekend classes.

They didn’t do actual classes over the weekend. Instead, they were sort of like clubs. The students could pick what they wanted to do, but it was a way to keep them entertained. They could skip if they got permission from their teachers to do something else, but most students didn’t have any family, either nearby or at all.

As Josie walked to her first meeting of the day, she noticed Hope sitting on one of the chairs beside a girl. Taking a quick detour, she went over, excited to see Hope.

When Hope looked up, Josie’s heart was shattered in two. The look she gave her was one of shock and panic. Not one of affection or even friendship, like Hope usually looked at her.

That’s when she noticed who Hope was sitting besides. The girl from last night that she had been flirting with.

Realizing what was going on, she looked over at Hope, trying her best to keep herself together. “Thanks for the breakfast, Hope. I appreciated it.”

Josie’s smile was tight, but Hope must’ve believed it because she let out a sigh of relief. “Of course, Josie.”

Josie tried to keep her fake smile up, but it dropped despite her efforts at Hope calling her Josie. She usually called her Jo. A part of her knew it had something to do with the situation.

Josie stood there awkwardly, waiting for Hope to take the hint, but not wanting to say anything that would embarrass her.

Josie wanted to scream at Hope, she wanted to yell and ask her why she led her on, knowing very well that Josie had feelings for her. She wanted to beg her to give her a chance, but also wanted to slap her for letting her kiss her, for not pulling away and sparing her feelings.

When Hope noticed Josie wasn’t going away, Hope sighed. She grabbed her bags and sent a smile to the girl. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then. You have my number.”

Hope grabbed onto Josie’s hand and pulled her into a hallway. The second Hope dropped her grip, Josie missed her hold.

“What?” Hope’s voice was taut. It made Josie feel like she didn’t want to talk to her.

“What do you mean ‘what’? What the hell is going on, Hope? First, you treat me like a friend, then last night happened, and now you’re acting like you can’t be bothered to talk to me.”

Hope stared blankly at her. Josie almost thought she wasn’t going to respond, and then she opened her mouth. “What happened last night? What are you talking about? Did something happen?”

Josie wished Hope had never spoken to begin with.

Josie’s eyes burned, on the verge of spilling tears. Trying to save her dignity and her friendship with Hope, she shook her head vigorously.

Josie adjusted her bag on her shoulder and started walking away from Hope. “Nothing. Nothing happened. You know what, this was stupid. I’m gonna go. Bye, Hope.”

The second Josie knew Hope couldn’t see her anymore, she started crying. Almost running to her room, she threw open her door and rushed into her room. The door shut behind her and Josie fell to the floor, heart broken in half.

The fact that Hope was saying she didn’t remember what happened the night before wasn’t what hurt. They were drunk. Josie was aware of that and she wouldn’t have been surprised to find that happened.

What hurt was that Josie knew Hope was lying through her teeth. And she couldn't understand why.

\---

That night, Josie was putting her laundry away when Lizzie walked in. She looked slightly off, worrying Josie that something happened.

“Josie, you need to talk to Hope.”

Josie’s stomach dropped, expecting the worst. Her mind went to her worst fear: that Hope told Lizzie what happened and Lizzie was now going to play therapist with her or worse, tell her father.

“Why?” Josie tentatively asked, testing the waters.

“Jesus, you’re acting as weird as her. Did something happen?” Lizzie sat down on top of Josie’s recently washed clothes, messing up the folds.

“No, nothing happened. Why does Hope want to talk to me?” Lizzie gave her another weird look, wondering why Josie was asking so many questions instead of following Hope’s every word and move like she usually did.

Lizzie was aware of Josie’s feelings for Hope. But, against Josie’s belief, she also knew that Hope liked her back. Hence why she thought to herself that something happened between them and that was why they were acting weird.

“Hope was practically spying on me. She waited until I was done with my conversation instead of interrupting. It was strange. Anyway, she told me she needed to talk to you. Something important and urgent. Said that she wanted you to go to her room after dinner today. Do you happen to know what she wants to talk about?”

Lizzie smiled at Josie’s look, intensely listening. Josie blushed, glancing away towards her clothes. “Nope. I don’t know what’s gotten into her, either. Probably just her period, or something.”

“Right.” Lizzie didn’t push any further, but she didn’t buy it. Not one bit.

\---

After leaving dinner, Josie went to her room and quickly brushed her teeth, undressing and getting into her pajamas before remembering that Hope wanted to talk to her.

She got out of bed and started walking towards her door before stopping and scolding herself. “Like hell I’m gonna go to her after she deliberately lied to me. And flirted with someone else after she kissed me.”

Josie was now pacing in her room, undecided on whether or not to go to Hope’s room and confront her. “But, maybe, it’s something deeper. Maybe she freaked out. Maybe she meant no harm.”

“But, maybe she was truly just drunk and it was a mistake.” Josie’s own thoughts were hurting her. She wondered if it was true, if Hope truly believed their kiss was just a drunken mistake that would mess up their friendship if they talked about it.

Either way, Josie had to find out.

Pulling on a pair of sweatpants to replace her shorts, Josie took the long walk to Hope’s room so she could think about what she was going to say when she arrived. What was she supposed to say, anyway?

Josie stopped in front of Hope’s familiar door. It had a bright red STOP sign on it, decorated with a few photos on it. Josie recognized herself in one of them. It had been after their road trip to find the urn a year ago. In the car, they had taken a few photos. Hope had kept them all this time.

Her heart fluttered at that, but she quickly stopped herself. No feelings, Josie promised herself, not this time.

Pressing her knuckles to the wood, Josie knocked. The door swung open a few moments later, revealing a flustered Hope. “Oh, hey, um, come in.”

Josie stepped inside her room, feeling the air change drastically. Hope liked her room cold, liked to wear sweaters and use fluffy blankets, so she was used to the freezer that was the dorm.

“Thanks for coming.” Hope said as she moved her backpack off the bed so Josie could sit. Her movements were frantic, an observation that set an uneasiness in Josie.

“Sure. Of course.” Josie’s answers were curt and short. “What did you need to talk about?” The second that Hope faced her, Josie could recognize the look in her eyes. Guilt.

It made Josie uncomfortable. She could see what would happen before her eyes. Hope would admit she was lying, Josie would ask her why, and Hope would reply that she regretted the kiss. To Josie, it was too familiar for her.

“Jos-”

“You don’t have to spare my feelings.” Josie cut Hope off, wanting to make this quick so she could get back to her room to cry. “I get it. It’s okay. You don’t want me. It’s fine. But, either way, you didn’t have to lie.”

Hope’s face was one of remorse. Josie could tell it was genuine, but she still didn’t believe her. After all, Hope had easily lied to her earlier. Why would she tell her the truth now?

“Josie. It’s not that, I promise.” Josie struggled to listen to Hope’s pleads, but she let her continue. “I don’t want to risk our friendship. And for what? A drunken kiss? It’s not you, but you’re my best friend.”

Every word that Hope spoke was another slash at Josie’s heart. ‘Just friends’? Josie had to ask herself. Had Hope really never wondered about them?

Her rage was rising steadily. In her mind, Hope was lying to her once again. That’s why when she cut in again, her voice was like steel. “We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”

Hope’s eyes went wide at Josie’s tone, shocked that such animosity could come from the girl. She should’ve expected it, really. Hope knew she had hurt Josie and while she regretted it, she was terrified of what could happen if she hadn’t.

“We can’t be anything more than that. I’m sorry, Josie. Really.”

Even as Hope desperately tried to push her away, regain control, make things right again, it wasn’t enough for Josie. She had to know why. Why Hope didn’t want her. Why she was trying so hard to lock Josie out again. Why she lied to her. Why she hurt her.

“So what? This is it. You make out with me one night and lie to me the next. Just like that. Do you know how fucking stupid that sounds?” Josie was being mean, she knew this. But she didn’t care anymore. Tears threatened to spill out of her eyes, but she blinked them back, not wanting to show any weakness in front of Hope. How quickly everything changed.

Hope’s eyes were watery. In her heart, she wanted nothing more than to grab Josie and kiss all of her pain away, to make sure Josie knew that she did, in fact, want her. More than anything else. But, her head was telling her that she was going to lose Josie just like she lost Landon. Her best friend, her crush, her love, would leave her just like he did.

And there was nothing she’d be able to do to stop it.

“I don’t want to risk our friendship.” Hope repeated herself, more sternly and louder this time. “That’s all it is, Josie. It has nothing to do with you.”

Josie’s next words were a sharp knife to Hope’s heart. “Are you really that scared that everyone is going to hurt you that you can’t even consider what you’re doing to me?

The question hurt even more because Josie was right. Hope hadn’t once thought about Josie’s feelings, let alone why Josie had kissed her back. She was so caught up in fixing the problem that she hadn't’ stopped to wonder if Josie liked her back, if she didn’t believe it was a mistake either.

“Josie, I-”

“No, Hope, no. okay, you don’t understand. I kissed you last night and you kissed me back. But, God, I’ve never regretted something more.” Hearing that come from Josie’s lips, the same ones she had pressed hers upon, was the tipping stone to Hope’s tears.

“You were so stuck in your pain and your fears and your love for Landon-” The name came out as a hiss. Josie was so angry, she was shaking. “You cry in my arms when you’re sad, and I’ve been there for you since the day we started talking. And yet, you can’t even think about the idea that maybe, someone cares about you. And here you are, hurting them.”

When Josie finished, Hope was sobbing. Her eyes were closed shut with tears streaming down her cheeks. All Josie wanted to do was hug her and make it all okay, but she stood her ground, finally allowing herself to be angry with someone.

As Hope caught her breath, she looked up at Josie. “I’m so sorry.” Her voice broke on the last syllable and turned into another cry. “I’m so sorry.”

Hope sat down on her bed, exhausted, and dropped her face into her hands, shoulders shaking.

After a few moments, Josie sighed and sat down beside her, pulling the girl into her arms like she had done so many times in the past.

“Hope. Hope. it’s okay. I mean, it’s not. But it’s not your fault. I know that. I’m angry, but please. Don’t hate yourself. That’s not what I wanted.” This time around Josie was awkward at comfortin hope. Her normally perfect words and kind gestures disappeared and all that was left was a raw wound in her soul.

When Hope settled down, she asked the question that had confounded her since she watched Josie walk away from her earlier that day.“Why? How did I hurt you?”

Hope’s words were gentle and genuine. Josie could tell she was confused and wanted to fix it. So, she listened now, and let in the compassion again. “You left, Hope. you left me. You turned around and walked away from me like you couldn’t care less.”

Hope’s form shook against Josie’s side as sobs wracked through her body again. She was in physical pain, it hurt so much. All her life, she avoided love due to the fear of being hurt, of someone leaving her. Turns out, she’d be the one to do the thing she hated most to the one she cared for the most.

“You like me?” Hope glanced up at Josie, a clear emotion in her eyes that were a darker blue from her crying. The skin was rubbed red and Josie could see the tears on the edge of falling again.

“No, Hope, I don’t like you.”

Hope leaned back slightly, and Josie realized she phrased it wrong. She let out a soft laugh, unable to believe she was actually doing this. Josie was surprised it wasn’t obvious. “I can’t like you and I can’t be your friend because I love you.”

Hope’s head snapped up so hard she almost knocked into Josie’s chin. Their eyes met and Hope’s lips parted, shocked.

Her breath was shaky. She oculd hardly believe it. And yet, whenever she looked into Josie’s chocolate brown eyes, all she could see was the adoration Josie had for her. It made her want to cry, that someone could truly love her and not want to leave.

A sob found its way out again. Josie quickly embraced her, rubbing Hope’s back soothingly while the red-haired girl whispered apologies over and over again, broken but healing at the same time.

“So, what about you, Hope?” Josie was nervous about her answer. She knew that Hope had to care about her in some way to have reacted that way. But, a part of her, the part that had been left by both Penelope and Landon, told her that Hope would never be able to love Josie the way she loved her.

Hope’s head lifted slowly until their eyes met. For a second, Josie was lost in those stunning blue eyes. She could see herself drowning in them.

“I’m not ready to love someone yet, Jo.” Hope’s voice was barely a whisper, fragile and hoarse. “I’m too damaged. And I make mistakes sometimes.”

Josie could feel the rejection coming, until Hope wrapped her hand around hers, squeezing slightly. “But the thought of losing you scares me so much more than the thought of you hurting me somehow.”

Josie gasped softly at Hope’s confession as it hit her that Hope felt the same way she did. She hadn’t even taken another breath in before Hope leaned in and pressed her lips to Josie’s.

They moved quickly, hands wrapping themselves in each other’s hair. Josie could taste the tears on Hope’s lips, pulling her heart more open for the girl, if that was even possible.

“Hope?” Josie asked when they pulled apart to take a breath. Her chest was heaving, overwhelmed, lips red.

Hope locked her hands around Josie’s neck. “Maybe this won’t be enough for forever. But right now? You. I just need you right now.”


End file.
